Wake in the mourn to find your lonely

When I wake in the morning to find my lonely sometimes it is hiding,


I put on my  hunting clothes  which  were tailer made special just  for  such a hunt


with pockets in the all the right places


and stitches that save nine or sevens, I do not always remember,  I am getting so old I can forget what what I got up to do before I get there but never lose your dreams or not have hope,


but too often, in  younger days being much older than I am now,  I could not figure out right or wrong, left or right, no ability to discriminate,


I know in the photograph it seems  clearly expressed  but in actual life I cannot see these  differences in time…


I used to look for help, any wear I could find it  but  empty rooms don’t always get filled,


At least there  the Alameda Creek, its near my house and I try to do four  miles  away, for at least six days  I get to podcast The Archers, Freddie was just sentenced to one year for selling drugs  . . . some run . . .


and I listen to Bloomberg Surveillance , but often the math,  the Greek letters , the dots, and the meta miniphors, are more than  I think . . . some walk . .


for me its just the lines, the  colors, the textures, the general scheme of things


But never where I am hiding, perhaps I am lost  never to be found but I am not wearing any clothes when  I am searching  to find myself, maybe  I was never even lost.



(apologies to Patrick Sky)

Eyes that see knowthing

Whenever I see aninteresting  closed door, I wonder where does it lead? Wherever, this one does not mind that the weather gets in.


Japanese design is fun, waiting for the  walk-don’t walk  light to change and this comes down the road,


Selfie looking up


A collection of various images (from a Google search)  made over the years, B&W images from the 1960s,  remember Tri-X, what a great film, I would buy 100 feet rolls, I rarely used a light meter, Tri-X just seemed to naturally adapt to most light situations like an iguana changes color .


In Tokyo Owl cafes are popular


Fun with light. . . light all by itself is fun


Ki-seto  tokkuri by Kagami Shugai (His yellow glaze is very special and Robert Yellin reports that Kato Takuro used to get his Yellow Seto glaze from Kagami) and water soluble metal salt glaze guinomi by Gary Holt of Berkeley.


Shuki, shigaraki style.


Afternoon baseball in Ueno,  this was the Drunkards  versus  the Animals


Photographs  sometimes show you things that you should have seen with your own eyes.


Knot in mynd

My mother had a stroke,  it messed up her memory,  she suffered from expressive aphasia and  lived in a memory care facility near me, either I or my wife would see her every day for over 3.5 years. During her last year after lunch she might want to return to her room to sleep, or maybe just escape.


In the memory care facility I met people who had accomplishments inter life  and did not remember,


Mom  had an operation for  a hip problem and was in rehab for eight  weeks  “relearning to walk.”



My parents lived a good life, Dad  had a good job, they lived in Japan for 14 years, Mom established herself professionally  in Ikebana, upon Dad’s retirement  she had an Ikebana  =school, they lived comfortably  still  in her last years, she was unable to “function” in society, this was in rehab, the lunch room,  it feels so bare  and prison-like but  for the eight weeks in rehab I was there for lunch, dinner and physical therapy.


I could not understand what it meant to her, losing everything  it must have been very hard to find herself.


She had her own room, and we brought some of her things,  furniture, her comfortable chair, flowers,


What was like for her when I was not there, which was much of the day,


Still the moments I was there


And the winner!!, the biggest award is to see someone so happy to see you,


What I like about Tokyo  is the graphic shapes ,


the lines and shapes


the colors and proportions, just walk down a street, go around a corner, see what is just waiting  there to be scene…



People come in all kinds of packages, and you have to admit, life is strange enough all  by itself without all the crap people do to make it even stranger.


But I cannot wear polyester, it does not breath and makes me sweat and itch, even 15%, I guess I cannot look forward to doing this kind of job in my retirement, and maybe I  don’t get this kind of happiness  either.



A feets of full of fests

There are “hand models,” people who earn money by modeling their hands for use in advertising  and editorial media.  They need to keep care of their hands, Can you work on your house? even a slight accident?  Oh!, just put a band-aid on it…


And you are out a few days work which financially hurts you, or worse! have to break a schedule which also hurts the business.


More than once working on a photo shoot, usually shooting  product shots where  which at moments requires  a  little less concentration, the environment becomes a little monotonous and you are picking up a product, moving it,  set up the shot  and making the shot, picking the product up again, moving it back and starting all over again and your mind finds time to wander . . .


More than once I found myself thinking “What am I doing?! Here I am spending all day arranging  how a small area of light is projected on a product while many millions of other people are suffering from hungry, cold, you know what I mean. Am I lucky to have this kind of job?


I did some marcom materials over a few years for a client and the marketing director always had the product photographs until one time it was a data sheet where  a new product needed to be photographed,  the photographer was near me so I said I would pick them  up.


I like to get out and see what others in the business are doing as it gives me a better understanding and I may just do it out of curiosity.  So if its not inconvenient I do it!! When I went to the studio the photographer gave me a CD with the images on it and we got into a conversation . . .


He talked about taking  a “Photoshop for Photographers”  themed workshop where he learned how to use some techniques and tools in the software so he could charge customers more money. He told me he charged the client  $100 to knock  out the background  in the digital image and that he was advised in the workshop that he could charge a $100/hr minimum. When I returned to my studio and called up the image on my computer the work the photographer had done was not up to my quality and I redid it, it took under 10 minutes, and I did not charge the client more money.


Forward a little, in a later conversation the marketing director made reference to the quality of the photoshop work also mentioning  a family relationship between the president and the photographer.  Maybe I had poor judgement, maybe  I could not resist, maybe I wanted the marketing director to think about the value of the budget, maybe I was just curious as to what would happen . . . but I told the marketing director that the original PSD work had not been acceptable and that I had redone it in about 10 minutes.  Our meeting shortly ended, we were close to the end of it anyway, and I never heard from that company or that person again.



Fund a mental

Looking for someone else takes me into spaces  I would often prefer to  avoid or at least to void,


A father,  a mother, a daughter, I think the father is referred to as Layman Pan’g, a historical person  in the history of Chan. I tried  have to find the book, its paperback ingot a light brown cover,  but I could not find it, he was not formally a member of the Sangha but he is known for his zen


Waiting for the bus along Highland Ave  near Belmont Street, Somerville, circa 1970. After living in  the San Francisco Bay area for over 30 years this photo strikes a memory, or the lack of one, just a feeling,  I cannot remember wearing a coat like  is seen here, except of course when I to San Francisco  and often in the afternoon  when  the fog comes slowly in the Golden Gate chilling  the water as   the wind blows the cold air  through the shadowy canyons of the city where between buildings  is a wind chill factor cold.


But you often see SanFrancisco residents, shopping downtown or in the financial district wearing fashionable  cold weather coats and down town stores will feature them  in windows. However if your waiting for the bus along Highland Ave  near Belmont Street, Somerville, circa  fall 1970, you could be making a fashion statement at the bus stop


Looking to find and waiting to be found outside of Amherst . . .


Eric would use these tools around this time, circa 1982, to create encaustic art on board







Its pretty strange being alive,  recalling the words from The Grateful  Dead . . .

“Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been.”

And some  from Zappa . . .

“We are the other people ,
We are the other people,
You are the other people too.”